In recent times, I have been dumbfounded at sea with thoughts about the future, my current job, my future job, my income, if I am finding meaning in my life, and all of these things that I really can't control on an hourly basis. Family is constantly asking me what I am going to do with my degree, I am being asked what I want to do with my life, and in a way, I am being pressured into making decisions that clearly aren't coming naturally. Everyday, I sit and wonder, what am I meant to do in this world? Why am I here? Is my degree even going to get me a job? Fears, worries, desires, expectations all invade my mind. Can't I just be me? Finally, I am at a standstill in my life and it seems like direction is up in the air. I have options. I don't have commitments. I don't have homework to do. I don't have direction. I become fearsome. I am vulnerable. Why? I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know what I want to do with my career. I am not ready to grow up. I'm not ready to lose my life to work yet. Lately, I actually would rather head in the far opposite direction and start living simply. I have thoughts about Hawaii. I have thoughts about farming. I have thoughts about meditation and yoga. I have thoughts about things that aren't a "career". I am taking a step back. I have been trying to listen to my heart. I unroll my yoga mat at night, lay on my back, do soft belly breathing, and set a few intentions before I go to bed. This morning, as I was sitting at work trying to find something to occupy my mind, I found this cool blog with good advice. It was just what I needed. It reminded me that the early twenties are a period of finding yourself, and in reality, nobody really knows what is in the future. You just have to find what you are good here.
"No one has the answers. No one knows the best path you should take. No one has figured out the ultimate answer to your problem of fearing the future. The best of us just fake it and make it look like we know what we’re doing. We don’t. We’re still trying to figure it out too, and the honest truth is, most of us are either scared shitless or faking it, even to ourselves. But you want some practical advice, I’m sure. So let me do my best here … but always remember that 1) you’re not alone, and 2) no one really has any answers, if we’re being honest."
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